How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
