found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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