so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
