You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
