dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You left your phone here
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