is your mom at the bar?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
