I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
