I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
