I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
