dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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