i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
