broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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