I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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