More tranny stories later!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
