I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
