Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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