Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
