Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
