Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Everyone says I win the strip club
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
