he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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