remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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