All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
