Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
