I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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