Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
