"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
