Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
