What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
