No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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