My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
