Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
