He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
