I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
