There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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