Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
