His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
