Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
