I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
