btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
