literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
