I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
