don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
