You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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