Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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