Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
