Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
