real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
