dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
