3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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