he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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