we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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